Grandpas

Grandpa Rasmussen passed away a little over two years ago. Which is still hard to deal with sometimes. Tonight I happened to glance across the street at my neighbors as he was getting home from work. They have their eleven year old grand daughter visiting them and she had met him out in the garage. It reminded me of all the times I spent with Grandma and Grandpa, but mostly it reminded me of when they would come to visit. I remember so clearly knowing they were almost there when they would bring the diesel truck. That thing was so loud you could hear it from a block away. And there was something about that diesel truck that even when we weren't expecting them and I heard it coming up the road I knew it was them.
The other thing that is hard is that when Bub was born four and a half years ago grandma and grandpa helped me with Monkey. When I was told that I wasn't leaving the valley there was no question in my mind where I would be staying that night because Grandma and Grandpa would always be willing to have me there. I don't have that this time. And maybe it is because of this loss, both of Grandpa and Grandma's memory, that I haven't made the arrangements that I need to for when this new baby is born. Who really knows. I miss him. I miss Grandma too. Last week when I went in for my doctor's appointment I was pretty tired. I drove in by myself so we didn't have to drag the kids in with us. I told Spencer that if I was too tired I would run up to Grandma's and take a nap. If I had done that I would have been emotionally exhausted as well as physically. Grandma is there, but things are just not the same. I made the comment to mom last month that it is hard to see how far she has slipped because the grandma I grew up with would NEVER have let herself be like this. oh, the beauty of Alzheimer's. Except that it is the exact opposite of beauty!